Two Bears, a Mountain Lion, and a Predator…

On my first day of training I was informed that my campground has two bears and a mountain lion in the vicinity.  I later learned from the Forest Service Fire Patrol that the mountain lion has cubs, and would be extra hungry this time of year.  

But, it was on my third day in residence, that I met my first predator.  He arrived in the late afternoon, with two teenagers in tow, and after I helped them find a desirable campsite, he invited me to have a drink with him.  I declined, he insisted, and I insisted on declining.  I warned them about the bears and the mountain lion, told them to keep all their food and ice chests in the bear lockers, and went back to my site.  They were the only campers in the campground, at this point. 

About four hours later, I heard gunshots, and called my site manager to find out what protocol was, as it’s clearly posted that there is no shooting in recreation areas.  Initially, she recommended that I go over and see what they were up to, but I declined, explaining that he had begun drinking before he’d even unhitched his trailer, and “we all know that guns and alcohol don’t mix.”   She agreed that I could let it go for the night, unless it got worse, and that I would talk to them in the morning. 

Even though the next morning was my day off, I drove over to have “the conversation”.  Naturally, their dogs were also off-leash and running around, and when “Randy” saw me, he said, “Uh oh, are we in trouble again?”

“Not yet,” I replied. “I’m here to talk about the shooting I heard last night.”

“Oh, is that not allowed?” he asked, innocently blinking his shark-grey eyes. 

“Well, the signs posted at the entrance to the campground, and just down the road, do clearly say that there is no shooting in the campground, any recreation area, or near the water.”

One of the boys had been listening, and approached.  “But we’re in the National Forest!  I thought you were allowed to shoot in the National Forest.” 

“There is no shooting allowed inside the campground, or any other recreational area, within the National Forest.”

“Oh, well we walked about half a mile up the road before we started shooting,” he said. 

I managed not to roll my eyes on the outside, but inside, my eyes were rolling like crazy.  Randy again asked me to have a drink with them, and again I declined.  “It’s 9:30 in the morning!”

“Well, what about later?  You can’t tell me they don’t allow you to drink when you’re not on duty!” was his response.

“I’m really not allowed to drink with the campers, or become intoxicated while in the campground, sorry,” I said. 

Early in the evening, he rolled up in his pickup, sans teenagers, with a scotch on the rocks in hand.  He had no sooner parked, then I heard shooting from the direction of his campsite.  “That’s not us!” he said.  “You’re the only ones here,” I replied.   “Well, I’m sure they walked outside the campground first,” was his excuse.

Then he said, “You know, I wanted to kiss you the minute I saw you, what do you think of that?”

I laughed.

“What?”

“I haven’t heard such a blatant line in a very long time,” I said.

“It’s true though, how does that make you feel?”

“I suppose it’s flattering, but I’m very happy not being involved with men.”

“Well, I kind of thought we had eye contact when I first got here yesterday,” he said. 

“Yeah, that’s kind of my job.  Greet people, make eye contact, smile, etc.”

“Well, I still want to kiss you right now. How does that make you feel?  What do you think of that?” he said, staring fixedly, as though I were prey.

“I think I’ll have to trust that you’re a grown-up who is capable of controlling his urges.”

“Wow, someone must have hurt you really bad.  What would it take to make you feel again?  Women your age are the most sexually adventurous, are you saying you don’t have any needs?”

The absurdity of the conversation made me laugh, again. “The last six years of my life have been man-free, drama-free, and mostly trouble-free.  Unless you have a new transmission in your pocket, you don’t have anything I need.”

He laughed.  “I can’t figure you out.  I’ve never met anyone like you.”  Blahblahblahblahblahblah…

After several more minutes of inane come-ons, he finally conceded defeat, and left in relatively good humor.

2am… Gun shots.  I know those bastards didn’t walk outside of the campground.